A little parenting post today and I would really love your views on this so feel free to hit me up in the comments or on socials (you’re following me right??).
I had a bit of “a thing” with my daughter the other day and it got me thinking about how much privacy we should allow our children as they get older.
My daughter has just turned 8. She started the Juniors last September and I have definitely noticed some changing in her personality, tastes, attitude, she’s growing up way to quickly.
Anyway I digress…
I was emptying her school bag the other week and pulled out a notebook which she snatched out of my hand and insisted on putting away. I knew something was up so asked her what was in it and she burst into tears.
Being a parent is full of fun moments like this!
I was freaking out wondering what could possibly be written in this book that she didn’t want me to know about. Was it something serious? Is she being bullied? Is she bullying someone? Has she written horrible things about me in there (so self obsesses I know!)?
But despite needing to know what was in that book, I found myself not taking it off her and instead tried to talk about it with her.
I tried to find out what was written in the book asking questions like;
How would I feel if I saw what was in the book?
How would YOU feel if I read what you have written?
Is it something you wish you hadn’t written?
Did someone else write in it?
Basically I was trying to assess what exactly was in the book whilst respecting her privacy. The way she reacted made it very clear she didn’t want me to read it. In the end I gave in and let her out her book away in her bedroom.
Then promptly went to “hoover” her room, found the book and read it! Oops!
So why didn’t I make her show me the book?
Well I want to have an open, honest relationship with my daughter. I want her to tell me about boys she likes, what’s going on in school, whether she’s happy or sad. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything and know that I’ve always got her back no matter what.
By respecting her privacy and allowing her to keep her book a secret I feel like I have helped encourage her to trust me. I’ve shown her that I trust her enough to believe her when she says it’s nothing I need to see and now she knows she still has a safe space to write about her thoughts and feelings (even though I read the book but c’mon she’s only 8, I had to double check everything was ok!!).
It made me feel sad that she couldn’t share what was written in this book, but she is not a baby anymore and I have to respect that. She is growing up fast and needs some space from me. She’s talking to her friends about things and doesn’t want me to know about them.
This is hard to deal with but it needs to happen. I think back to when I was her age and did I tell my mum everything? Hell no! As you get older there are just things you don’t want to talk to your mum about!
I teach my daughter about privacy in the sense of keeping your pants on when your walking around the house and not stripping off on the beach but what about the mental privacy and space they need?
Shouldn’t she be allowed a safe space such a a diary or notebook to write down her thought and feelings without having to show her mum?
For now, I think so. I like to think if it’s something serious, she will share it with me, hopefully I’m right. Until I’m proved wrong I’m going to allow her to grow up a little bit, keep a few secrets from me and share them with her friends instead.
Obviously by this I mean regularly snoop though her notebook just incase haha!
What do you think? Would you read your kids diary? How much privacy is too much privacy? Let’s chat in the comments!
Tasha xxx
ridiculouslyordinary.wordpress.com 
It’s such a minefield isn’t it, I remember being young and incredibly grateful that I could have some privacy and my parents weren’t hovering over my every move, but equally I know that at times I put myself at risk as I navigated growing up and it could have all gone pearshaped if things had gone differently, as it did for a few of my friends, so it’s that knowledge that makes me nervous about too much privacy, however we have to let our children be independent or else how else do they learn to stand on their own two feet and make informed choices. I have boys and the privacy issue isn’t really rearing its head, yet, but eldest wants a phone and as he starts secondary school I know he will need one but it is a big responsibility and as he is Autistic it is doubly laced with anxiety over him understanding the nuances of social stuff in real life and on social media/phones and yet not wanting to be *that* Mum. We have a good relationship and talk openly about things so I hope that has set a good foundation up for things, and I hope they can always turn to me for guidance.
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It really is! You never know if you’re doing the right thing or not and in a world where our children are growing up so fast and the added risks of social media, it’s really scary!
It’s trying to find the right balance and definitely having the right conversations with our children. Aw it sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your son, talking openly together is great and I’m sure it will continue, but I can see why you would worry, the internet and social media can be a horrible place at times, I’m so glad it wasn’t around when I was growing up! My daughter is already asking for a phone but I think as they start secondary school is the right age for one so she has a long wait!
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It’s not easy to have conversations with them about social media/online safety without terrifying them or making them grow up quicker than they have to, there have been experiences by friends’ kids about being approached inappropriately on apps so I know you have to arm them with knowing what can happen and why we have to be safe but it’s so much for kids of 8, 9, 10 to hear isn’t it
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You’re right it’s not! I’ve had a few chats with Mollie about online safety using games like Roblox and YouTube but I don’t want her to be terrified either! Luckily they recently had police officers come into school and do a chat about online safety which I think is a great thing to do! It’s so scary that your friends children have experienced things like that!
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Not to read it – would be the hard thing to do for me, but also the right one… I completely agree with you that we need to accept the fact that there are things they don’t want us to know and try to have an honest relationship with them anyway. My mom was totally spying on me and I ended up hiding even more things from her. My daughter is still so small, but I feel like the day we have a similar situation – it will be such a challenge for me to let it go!
Anna/ http://www.atlifestylecrossroads.com
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Your so right about hiding things from your mum and I was like that too! I really don’t want to be one of those mums who snoops, would much rather my daughter talk to me about anything that’s bothering her. In this case she’s so young I felt I had to check the book to she what she had written incase it was something really bad but hopefully as she gets older I won’t need to. There will always be things she doesn’t want me to know and that is fine, i can’t expect her to want to tell her mum everything!
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